narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

(via over9000feels)

realniggaannouncements:

I had a dream last night that Jesus finally resurrected and when white people found out he wasn’t white they arrested him for 2000 something years of tax evasion  

(via perpetualvelocity)

asker

Anonymous asked: WHAT KIND OF MEAL?

EVERY KIND OF MEAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME SHIT’S EXPENSIVE

Tonight was steak, one of the like four times a year I get to have steak. Those times are: birthday, Christmas, and whenever someone else is paying for it.

Through the Ages: Going Out to Eat

  • Me at 16: You pulled me away from my six-hour Sims-athon for half-assed calamari and pasta with all the people who can kick my ass at any and every video game we have? Ugh. Thanks.
  • Me at 21: You pulled me away from my campus dining hall--where the only edible foods have been fried to bejeezus and back--for food that I enjoy eating? That's really nice of you. Thank you very much!
  • Me at 26: You pulled me away from paying for my own food so you can pay for my food for me? YOU HAVE MY SWORD.

Through the Ages: Sleeping In

  • Me at 16: I get to sleep in! *stays in bed until 12:30pm*
  • Me at 21: I get to sleep in! *stays in bed until 10:30am*
  • Me at 26: I get to sleep in! But I won’t because I get to see people I love today followed closely behind by free food all day! *stays in bed until 7:30am because are you fucking kidding me I am not about to pass up a free meal shit’s expensive*
yofryman:

YO DEXTER WHAT DOES THIS FRIGGIN BUTTON DO

yofryman:

YO DEXTER WHAT DOES THIS FRIGGIN BUTTON DO

(via antfish)

asker

melonpanblues asked: SOMER HELP I BOUGHT SOME SLICES OF COCONUT LIKE THEY ARE SLICES OF THE FRUIT WHAT DO? Like what can I do with these? Can I eat them as they are? They are refrigerated and good for a couple days at least...

someralexandra:

Eat them, darling. Are they soft? If so, that is young coconut and you are truly blessed. They taste great with a little lemon or lime, too. Hard? Older coconut, but still delicious. Can also be grated and baked into yummy things.

Bottom line: Put it in your mouth.

"Put it in your mouth."

"Put it in your mouth."

"Put it in your mouth."

no but srsly thank you :3

haleyscomett-art:

I FOUND IT

NO ONE BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I HEARD AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DROPIN BEATS DOWN THE STREET

NOW I HAVE A VID TO PROVE IT OMG I’M SO HAPPY I DIDN’T IMAGINE IT YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME

(via over9000feels)